Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
