I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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