I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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