I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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