Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
