God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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