I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
