I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
