The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
