did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
