Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
