Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
are you so shy because you have an std?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
