He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
