i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
