spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
