I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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