It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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