im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
