Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
