I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
