so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Everything about him screamed your future.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
