Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
