so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
