seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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