He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
