You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
