I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
