Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
