brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
