Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
