I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
