His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
