did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
