Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
