its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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