I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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