doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
