I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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