Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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