just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
