Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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