dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
no, he came in my armpit
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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