Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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