I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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