You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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