Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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