You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
