he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
