Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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