whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
