Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
