Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
