but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
