I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
